As I’ve continued the path I lead as a musician/artist, I’ve noticed a shift in how I interact with the world around me. I’ve started to feel more and more alienated from folks who aren’t my peers.
And it hurts.
I’ve always been observant and hyper critical; it often impedes my will to speak earnestly. I tend to hold back and listen. Then, I try to curate their perception of me based off of the response I give. It’s my defense mechanism (probably not so uncommon) so that people don’t see anything of me that I don’t want them to. To me, this detachment is a means of keeping people at a distance.
As a musician, I already spend countless hours in isolation practicing. I’m in my own head and working endlessly to get out of it to feel the momentum of the music. I’m repeating actions with dedicated patience, which is a lot of time spent being alone, hard on myself and my product.
Becoming more active on social media is definitely another one of the factors in my feelings of isolation. Facebook/Instagram/Twitter have some serious effects on how truly connected I feel with my surroundings. Sure, I outreach to more folks, but being technically connected isn’t the same as feeling connected to someone else in my spirit.
It feels like I don’t actually know how to interact with people irl anymore outside of pre-prescribed lines. I say what I need to say to fulfill my societal contract of conversation. The result is just motions to get me through the day while I work out the greater picture in my head. And my peers, as wonderful, thoughtful and woke as they are, represent a limited viewpoint simply because they are limited in number.
Besides expressing my loneliness, I guess I want to use this reflection as a platform to stress the importance of the bonds we share.
I personally wish to be better at seeking opportunities in my interactions with strangers or acquaintances. A stranger could easily become an ally and a friend if you let them in.
There are worse fates in life than personal rejection